I was so excited to pick my favorite character from Critical Role 2: Electric Boogaloo but I can’t do it, I just can’t fucking do it,

because you’ve got this fuckin’ Sad Cat Dad who probably scrobbled up from a storm drain somewhere with nothing but his cat and his wits and a trench coat full of black market paperbacks, walking around with big-ass bags under his eyes, clearly in need of a lifetime of sleep and cuddles, and HE’S my favorite,

but then you’ve got this tiny goblin Gavroche with a mask that she scavenged off a horror-movie set, and these great big yellow eyes that look right into your heart, but she’d probably offer you tea and crumpets with one hand while stealing your wallet with the other, and SHE’S my favorite,

but then you’ve got this weird, gross monk wandering around in a permanent hangover, spilling money all over the floor and picking fights with homophobes in back alleys, and SHE’S my favorite,

but then you’ve got this purple-ass carnival huckster Conman King named after a fucking sea shanty, just twirling through life like a kaleidoscope of all the ostentatious goth-punk teen fantasies I’ve ever had, and HE’S my favorite,

but then you’ve got this ten-foot-tall cybergoth dreadnaught of a deviantart OC who throws lesbians over her shoulder for fun and spends 90% of her time lurking in the woods while avoiding her responsibilities as a hype man, and SHE’S my favorite,

but then you’ve got this blue tiefling in a pretty dress who knows everything about everything and her whole face is happy and appealing and mischievous and she is everything good and kind and pleasant in the world, and SHE’S my favorite,

but then you’ve got this fuckin’ salt-and-pepper half-orc with the texblade hexblade and the voice smooth like Southern Comfort, 18 Charisma 7 Wisdom motherfucker who doesn’t know he’s the handsomest soft jock that ever tried to get into Magic School, and HE’S my favorite…

This new campaign brought it hard and fast and I simply was not ready for it. I did not come prepared.